Loving and Dying...In Oman

There are a lot of things to consider when you marry outside of your culture. Love alone doesn't cut it sometimes.

For sure, if you have found your one-and-only true love and are able to settle in his (or her) country, and it happens to be Oman, one thing you can pretty much be sure of is that you or your love will die one day. This should affect how you plan your marriage.

I know, that is a horribly morbid thought.... Especially for those embarking on the honeymoon phase of their relationship or intended upon that route. But it is one that us OPNO girls recommend thinking about. It will affect your life.

We've known women who had the perfect situation, perfect husband, and were married in and in love in Saudi Arabia. One thing they didn't consider was their husband's family was wretchedly awful. Life was a fairytale for one woman until she woke up one morning and discovered that her true love, her soul-mate, her beloved husband... had died in a car accident. He was already well on his way to being buried before anyone of her inlaws bothered to drive her anywhere. She never got to see him before he went into the ground, say goodbye. Worst thing of all from this story is that the place that had been her home for over ten years, was ripped from her by those horrible inlaws, and she was not a GCC-citizen, had no reason to be a resident anymore with no local husband, and was sent packing penniless and alone back to America. Tragedy is... they didn't let her take her kids. I've heard stories simlar to her's on the internet, though her's is the worst in my personal experience of anyone I've known.

Marrying an Omani isn't like marrying another GCC country. I mean, the experience can be similar, but it isn't exactly the same. Each GCC state has unique culture, unique laws... that affect a marriage and its outcomes. Death is certainly one of them. Death is one thing a person can be absolutely certain about, whereas love is not definate in span or what it may or may not encompass.

Things to consider with loving and dying in Oman:

Being married to an Omani, with the majority of the population being Muslim, you will have to deal with Islamic burial rites. For those with a Western background, burial can seem very sudden, with little chance to say goodbye or adjust. Know this upfront. Talk about it with your Omani spouse and make arrangements for it.

Like me, I was terrified if my husband died in a car accident on the way to his village say, that he'd be buried before I could get there. I wanted it arranged that provided I could get there before two days time, that he wouldn't go into the ground before I was there. This was a weird request to most.

Also, funerals are social affairs. They are highly-family and tribally orientated. From morning until evening, people will visit the house of the deceased person's relatives/family to show support. Only, honestly, I always find it more intrusive than supportive. Like, I want to be alone to be sad or just adjust. I don't want to be around that many people. I told my Omani husband this. He was like, it won't be about you, it will be about my mother and brothers and sisters. So I am supposed to deal.

So I was like, better brief everyone I don't mean to be rude, but after the actual burial and funeral prayer, I am going to isolate myself and that's how it would all go down, and no one should be offended.

I have been to too many funurals when I see the deceased wife puting on a brave front for hundred-upon-hunrdeds of tribe members, arranging lunch to be served for all that many people, ect... and dealing with the fake-cryers, and just wanting be alone or with close close family ands friends to just deal.

I don't want that for myself.

Also, what if you die? You will be leaving behind kids sometimes. What do you want in terms of funeral arrangements may not be available if you are a non-Muslim, and how your children will be looked after is a thing you MUST consider and arrange with your spouse or a lawyer beforehand: Who will raise them after?

Usually in Oman, if a husband dies, it isn't a big issue for a mother to keep custody as she will maintain residency but of course, may be financially vulnerable without support from her inlaws or a working income of her own. My own Omani in-laws that wouldn't be a big deal, but I have friends whose inlaws hate them, never supported the marriage, and would try for custody of the kids.

Also, expect marriage proposals from close relatives of a husband if he dies. Some tribal families consider this a charity, i.e. a brother of the deceased husband will propose to prevent the widow from having to marry a man outside the children's family. Some husband's only dying arrangements ever thought about are this, trying to make their wife promise to marry so-and-so from their family if anything should happen to them. Not a big issue in my family, as family just tends to pay the living expenses of the widow, but in other tribes I know it to be quite common.

The only aspect of life entirely sure is death. I think, even though it sounds morbid, it is smart to consider these aspects of life-plannning when marrying---- custody of minors, customs regarding burial that may affect one emotionally, ect...

Anyways, that's all I can think of right now.